NOBEL PRIZE FOR JUSTICE MINISTER?
1998/12/13
Hard on the news on the deaths of Eddie Pienaar
and the rape of a Boland grandma at the hands of her teenage
grandson (who raped the rest of the female members of his family
as well) comes the report (unconfirmed at this stage) from
Stockholm that SA "Justice" Minister Dullah Omar is a
front running candidate for the Nobel Prize next year.
If he wins, Omar will join the elite band of South Africans to be
so honoured.
Minister Omar was understandably delighted on hearing that he was
a strong contender for Nobel honours. However, he was less
pleased to learn that it is not the Peace prize for which he has
been nominated. Instead, he has been nominated for the Nobel
Prize for Literature.
A spokesman for the Nobel Committee, Mr Lars-Erik Lokomotiffsen,
expressed surprise when he heard that Omar had thought that his
nomination was for Peace. He went on to explain:
" The "Constitution of the Republic of South Africa' is
one of the greatest literary fantasies ever to appear in any
language," he said. "It ranks alongside works like
Brave New World, Alice in Wonderland and Peter Pan."
Mr Lokomitiffsen said that he had heard that Minister Omar was
peeved at having the "Constitution" labelled a fantasy.
"We are well aware," said Mr Lokomitiffsen, "that
Mister Omar intended the work to be taken seriously. However, it
is a fact that it is not taken seriously. But that does not
detract from its brilliance as a work of fiction. It gives a
tantalising glimpse of what life could be like if the politicians
weren't all talk and no action."
One of the reporters present then pointed out that the
"Constitution" had been accepted by the parliament of
South Africa, which was surely proof enough that it WAS intended
to be a serious document.
Mr Lokomitiffsen coughed and laughed politely. "You make a
liddle choke, ja?" he said, in his cute Swedish accent.
"It is well known that the South African parliament cannot
even get the pedestrians to stop when the liddle red man is
flashing on the traffic lights. To suggest that it could bring
something as ambitious as this Constitution into reality is a bit
like suggesting that Bill Clinton is an honest man!"
It was pointed out to Mr Lokomotiffsen that the parliament of
South Africa is presided over by Nelson Mandela, and that surely
it was not acceptable to make any criticisms of it.
"Indeed," sighed Mr Lokomotiffsen. "We know that
you are very sentimental about President Mandela as a man who
cannot possibly be wrong about anything. And we know that it is
very unfashionable to voice anything unfavourable about him at
all. However, we here in Sweden have to deal with the real world,
and you have to face it, the South African parliament doesn't
actually have any authority over anyone. Those who wish to obey
its laws, obey them, and those who do not wish to obey them, do
not obey them. It is as easy as that. If the Parliament was to
disappear - poof - into a puff of smoke tomorrow, then it would
probably make very little difference to anything. Those who are
good, would still be good. And those who are bad are already bad,
and the Parliament can do nothing about them."
It was then pointed out to Mr Lokomotiffsen that Minister Omar
was not the sole author of the Constitution.
"This is true," he replied. "However, we cannot
award the prize to a committee. Someone has to carry the can, as
you English say, for the Constitution, and as Minister Omar has
always managed to avoid carrying the can for anything else
........"
"So a Peace Prize for Minister Omar is out of the
question?" asked one reporter.
"Regrettably so. The people are being robbed, raped,
murdered and hijacked more under the Ministry of Mister Omar than
they were when John Vorster was Minister of Justice. We could not
possibly give a Peace Prize to John Vorster, so for Mister Omar
the possibility is frankly ridiculous. But we look forward to
more works of fiction, because it is clearly in this direction
that the man has the greatest talents."
"But forgetting about its literary value, does the
Constitution not have ANY use whatsoever?" asked another
reporter.
"Well," said Mr Lokomotiffsen, who had been holding a
copy of the Constitution throughout the press conference,
"if you fold it like so, and like so, and like so, there is
a possibility that it might still fly."