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THE NYAMANDHLOVU CLEFT STICK AND MESSENGER

(Editor: Mr Ballpoint Lumumba. Not registered anywhere as a newspaper)

Welcome to the website of possibly the most irreverent news journal on the web. You are warned that these pages are about as politically correct as the proverbial pork chop in a synagogue. They are loaded with bad language and bad taste. If you are in the habit of taking things too seriously, better click out of here now.

The NCS&M started as a joke, and remains one. Its main forum is the soc.culture.zimbabwe newsgroup, and it pokes fun at anything and anybody. It targets events or people in public life mainly in Zimbabwe and South Africa, but is prepared to have a dig at anything anywhere (which is why even Prince Edward couldn't marry Sophie Rhys-whatever without the NCS&M having to have its five cents worth).

The articles on this website have all been retrieved from the newsgroup and republished here with very little editing. They appear in order of date of posting.

On a more serious note, the NCS&M (meaning me and all my aliases) has a mission statement:

"The single most important object of our existence in Africa should be the pursuit of honest and practical policies - not necessarily popular - to bring about the sustainable upliftment of those who are most in need of it. Those who claim to champion the masses, but in the end enrich only themselves and their narrow clique, are the enemies of their own people, whether they realise it or not, and whether they accept it or not."

In this spirit, the NCS&M will show no respect to anyone who isn't deserving of it.

Comments should be directed via the newsgroup.

And at the end of the day, the NCS&M is only a bunch of words. It hasn't killed anyone, or consigned them to the misery of war, starvation, robbery, murder, rape or disease. The same cannot be said for the policies of those who it criticises and/or ridicules.

Grateful acknowledgements to Ken, for inventing Gladys, and probably to Irene Malin, for inspiring her! And thanks to all those ng participants who have LOL'd or ROTFLMAO'd over the years.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

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