HEARD IN COURT (5)
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9 August 2002
The Nyamandhlovu Cleft Stick and Messenger,
always on the lookout for news
of importance, has recently received reports from our journalist
based at
the High Court of South Africa.
The first case concerned those arrested for robbing a busload of
Taiwanese
tourists. The accused appeared before Mr Justice Loophole
Mkize, with
Advocate Evidence Pagati defending.
Judge: (to accused nos 1) On charge number 1, it is alleged
that you
impersonated a police officer in the commission of this
robbery. How plead
you to this charge.
Advocate Pagati, for the Defence: Melud, if it please the
court, my client
will plead not guilty.
Judge: And on what basis will you argue this?
Advocate Pagati: Melud, the accused pleads not
guilty to the charge of
impersonating a police officer, on the grounds that he IS a
police officer,
and has his badge, uniform, pistol and payslip to prove it.
(Laughter in
Court.)
Judge: Case dismissed. You may go. What have we
next? (Loud cheers from
the gallery, until the judge bangs his gavel on the bench and
calls for
silence.)
Clerk of the Court: Your Worship, if it please the Court,
we will now hear
the case of the State vs Thabo Mbeki. (Gasps of amazement
in Court.)
(Thabo Mbeki is led in, wearing a three piece suit by Pierre
Cardin of
Paris, cufflinks by Alfred Dunhill of London, a tie by Cravateur
International of Cape Town, and a pair of handcuffs by the Police
Workshops
in Pretoria.)
Judge (scrutinising his papers): Mr Mbeki, you stand
accused of
impersonating a state president. How plead you to this
charge?
Mr Mbeki (conducting his own defence): Your Worship, I
plead not guilty.
Judge: And on what grounds do you base your
plea of Not Guilty.
Mbeki: Your Worship, I cannot be guilty of
impersonating a state
president. I AM a state president.
Laughter in Court. The trial was adjourned, while someone
went to find the
Judge a glass of water.