1999/12/15
Health authorities throughout Africa have reacted to the news that Professor
Isosceles Vilikazi has devised a device to eradicate malaria.
The mosquito condoms are made of standard latex, the cost of which is
negligible because mosquitoes are very small. A pack of ten thousand is no
bigger than a matchbox, and should retail for a few dollars (Zim). A two
tier pricing system will ensure that foreigners pay a higher price in US
Dollars, Sterling or D Marks.
Asked if it wouldn't be a fiddly operation, getting a mosquito to stand
still while one forced a condom over its penis, the Professor laughed
politely.
"A mosquito's penis is very small," he said. "The condom is to go over the
proboscis, which is another part of the anatomy entirely.
"Apart from that, the malarial parasite is carried by the female mozzie, so
you would look pretty stupid trying to find a penis on one."
It was suggested that even the proboscis was too small for human fingers to
be able to get a condom on one.
"Tut, tut," replied the Professor. "Detail, detail, detail. Before the
condoms are packed, they are filled with blood, so the mozzie dips her own
proboscis in. A system of barbs then ensures that she cannot get it out
again."
A great sigh of wonder went up at the Professor's obvious genius. Someone
asked when the product would be on the shelves.
"Hopefully it will be soon. We have had approval from the Health
Authorities of 97 countries, including the US Food and Drug Administration.
The only thing delaying us now is the go-ahead from the Vatican."
The meeting adjourned sine die.
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