SOLE CANDIDATE

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Date: 2000-09-29 04:23:52 PST 

Professor Isosceles Vilikazi of Nyamandhlovu, the well-known inventor,
academic and political observer, has been asked to comment on the news that
Robert Mugabe will be the sole Zanu PF candidate in the 2002 Presidential
election.

"This is exactly what I expected," said the Professor.  "And I hope that he
loses, because, frankly, it does not do to have a fish for a president."

Asked to elaborate further, Prof Vilikazi explained that a person as
important as a president should be more outgoing, and Pres Mugabe's outgoing
was long overdue.

Reacting hastily to the Professor's advice, the MDC confirmed that Morgan
Tsvangirai would be its official candidate.  Two other ambitious contenders,
Mr Charles Vundu and Ms Tilapia Kumalo, would be advised to stand down in
the interests of keeping politics separate from ichthyology.

In the meantime, crowds have gathered on Harare street corners to debate
exactly what kind of sole the incumbent president might be.  West Coast,
East Coast, and even Dover have been suggested, to which most people seem to
be replying, simply, "Ah!"

Footnote: the article that spawned the above was taken from the Zimbabwe Independent and posted by CAZ. Although this is serious journalism, the quotes from the ZANU-PF spokesman, although he also thinks he should be taken seriously, are so hilarious that I decided to reprint the article below.

Caz <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> Zim Independent
>
> PRESIDENT Robert Mugabe has decided to stand as the sole Zanu PF candidate
> in the presidential election in 2002, a senior party official revealed here
> yesterday.
>
> Secretary for Administration Didymus Mutasa told journalists attending a
> parliamentary reporting workshop that there would be chaos in Zimbabwe if
> President Mugabe was to resign before the election. He would not be drawn on
> the exact nature of the anticipated chaos likely to befall Zimbabwe.
> "That man is great, we should be thankful that we have him as a leader,"
> said Mutasa.
>
> "Our policy is that once someone has been elected as the party secretary,
> that person is an automatic candidate for the presidency.
>
> "So as far as I am concerned Mugabe is our sole candidate for the 2002
> election," he said.
>
> It is not clear whether Mutasa was reflecting a policy position by the Zanu
> PF leadership or simply attempting to ingratiate himself. In the past he has
> described Mugabe as Zimbabwe's "king".
>
> The announcement is unlikely to put to rest speculation about the succession
> ahead of the party's December special congress.
>
> Rumours are rife that Young Turks are keen to find a candidate who can
> rescue the party's 2002 bid from the jaws of defeat.
>
> "Mugabe is a great man, he is a teacher par excellence, a lawyer par
> excellence and an economist par excellence and he is the best leader who has
> led Zimbabwe, quite well," gushed Mutasa.
>
> Mutasa also found time to denounce the Movement for Democratic Change which
> he said was funded by the West. Its membership comprised former Rhodesians
> and Zanu PF rejects, he said.

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