2001-10-09
The story so far:
Robert Mugabe has been told by the ghost of Josiah Tongogara (and a few
others) that he isn't going to get into the Pearly Gates. The Pope has more
or less confirmed this, though in language not suitable for a family
newsgroup.
Latest developments
Mugabe has now rounded on the Pope and accused him of being white, racist,
colonialist and as queer as a fucking concrete parachute. He has boarded
the Presidential jet and gone to seek solace amongst the Brotherhood of
Islam, who, he reckons, are not white, and also have good connections with
the Kingdom of Heaven.
However, Moullah Abdullah Thingamajig Whatshisface, the spiritual leader of
the Taliban, has dashed Mugabe's hopes. Apparently, according to Islam,
they CAN get Mugabe in, but only in the relatively junior capacity of a
hewer of wood and a drawer of water. As for a whole bunch of virgins
waiting to greet him, well, "No way, Jose" said the Moullah.
In any case, said the Moullah, if they got him in as a hewer of wood and a
drawer of water, they would also insist on making certain alterations to his
nether parts, which would result in his losing interest in the virgins
anyway.
Mugabe, who always thought the difference between Enoch and Eunuch was only
two u's and an o, beat a hasty retreat. He has now called in his lawyers,
and is planning to sue the Pope for Specific Perfomance.
The Pope has responded, "Vukov," which is believed to be a Polish expression
meaning, "No, I don't think so."
previous article next article back to contents