THE GHOST OF JOSIAH TONGOGARA
2001-10-09
Apparently Robert Mugabe is now getting poep-scared of death, or rather,
what might happen to him in the after-life.
The ghost of Josiah Tongogara, which is rumoured to hang about the corridors
of State House on a daily basis (and nightly, too) has reportedly told Bob
in no uncertain terms that he hasn't a hope in hell of getting through the
Pearly Gates.
Mugabe had been relying on his (nominal) Catholicism to get him in when the
time came. However, according to sources in both the Vatican and the
Kingdom of Heaven, this just isn't enough. As the well-known Catholic
humourist, Cardinal Spike Milligan observed, Mugabe must be the worst
Catholic since Genghiz Khan. (Actually he observed that about someone else,
but I just thought I'd use it again here.)
Mugabe has now threatened legal action against the Pope and the Holy See
(jointly and severally), and warned them that if they don't get sharp and
ensure his acceptance at the Pearly Gates, he will sue the Papal Robes off
them.
The Pope has responded "Vukov", which is thought to be a Polish expression
meaning, "No, I don't actually think so."
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