What to do with the body?
Robert Mugabe's dilemma about his forthcoming death continues unresolved.
Not only has Science rejected his body, and the Church rejected his soul,
but his wife has expressed complete indifference to the possibility of his
passing.
"Just make sure you leave the vibrator on the dresser, Dulling," she said.
After the announcement that Medical Science was not interested in his body,
Mugabe decided to offer himself piecemeal, via the Organ Donor Foundation.
However, after a sudden loss of interest on the part of its terminally ill
clientele, the Foundation had to advise Mugabe that nobody, however ill they
might be, was prepared to gamble on spending the rest of his life with the
heart, liver or kidneys of one of the world's most unpopular men.
If no solution is found, Mugabe faces the prospect of being propped up in
the dining room at State House, his sightless eyes glaring at his successors
as they try to sort out the mess he has created. Or else he might be dumped
around the back of the Archives and left to rot on the pavement, in company
with the statues of "Energy" and Cecil John Rhodes.
Still, Borrowdale is a good area.
However, it is hoped that better ideas might be forthcoming, so presidential
aides have gone forth from Harare - discreetly, of course - to sound out the
general populace.
One group of former ZANU supporters recommended cremation, offering to take
care of the matter immediately, without the inconvenience of having to wait
for the old bugger to die. Pres Mugabe, however, has rejected this option
as "uncomfortable."
The Rev Pulpit Pambere, founder of the Hallelujah Hellfire Reborn Christian
Group and Gospel Singers (Plc) observed that if Mugabe doesn't fancy
cremation NOW, he sure as hell isn't going to enjoy what's coming up later.
Best idea, so far, comes from Mr Agriculture Tambare, a peasant farmer from
the Odzi TTL, who suggested that the face be prettied up a bit, and then he
could stick a broomstick up its bum, and prop it up in the mielies for a
scarecrow.
He's just worried about it scaring his wife, too.
Copyright c 2001 Nyamandhlovu Cleft Stick and Messenger Ltd. All rights
reserved.
previous article next article back to contents