Date: 2001-10-22 23:31:13 PST
NC <[email protected]> wrote
> Gladys' loyal supporters are very glad that the ed has been able to dispel
> the filthy rumours that she had abandoned her mission
Yes, the Nyamandhlovu Cleft Stick and Messenger apologises to readers for
the break in publication. It was not only that Mr Ballpoint Lumumba (editor
in chief) was abroad in Botswana, but also that publication was rendered
impossible for a fortnight because of the introduction of the new ZWD 500
note.
As a prominent commodities trader in the Sunday Times Business Times pointed
out, major stresses are placed upon the economy when one produces a banknote
that is cheaper than a toilet roll. People are likely to abandon toilet
rolls and resort to banknotes.
However, in Zimbabwe, because toilet rolls are a luxury, people have long
used the media instead of toilet rolls.
This has been a primary factor in keeping newspapers alive in a country
where many people cannot read. The Nyamandhlovu Cleft Stick and Messenger,
it is well known, has a readership of nineteen. However, it is believed to
have a wipership of many hundreds. One may imagine what a boost this is to
the circulation of the paper (let alone the hygiene of the wipership.)
Similarly, the state controlled Zimbabwe Herald has a readership of around a
hundred thousand. However it is estimated that the wipership is much
higher, and just about the whole of Mashonaland is wiping its bums with
front page pictures of His Excellency the President You Know Who. That's
about seven million bums.
However, now that most of the new 500 Zimdollar notes seem to have
disappeared, Zimbabweans are returning to the media, and circulation is
booming again.
The ABC is currently revising its circulation figures for all papers in
Zimbabwe, and results are expected shortly.
(ABC - is this the Audit Bureau of Circulation? - ed)
(No, it is the Arsholes Bureau for Cleanliness. - Chief Reporter)
(Why is the populace not wiping its bums on the cheaper notes? - ed)
(Because they don't use notes that have already been used. - Chief
Reporter)
(Is this why stacks of old 100 zimdollar notes are referred to as "piles"? -
ed)
(Piss off! - Chief Reporter)
previous article next article back to contents