Date: 2001-10-29 07:42:37 PST
Mr Ballpoint Lumumba, Editor in Chief of the Nyamandhlovu Cleft Stick and
Messenger, has announced that Nymandhlovu is to get its own Poet Lorry Hat.
The idea, Mr Lumumba admits frankly, comes from the Naboomspruit Recorder, a
one time great journal which regrettably died with its founder, the
inimitable Joel Mervis.
Well-informed readers will, of course, know that Naboomspruit is one of the
principle cities of the African continent, being the main producer of
peanuts in the Northern Transvaal. Indeed, it should have been the capital
of the New South Africa, were it not for a bit of political skullduggery and
the fact that the taxi bearing its its parliamentary representatives to
Pretoria got lost and ended up in Bushbuckridge.
Anyway, thanks to the efforts of the Late Mr Mervis, Naboomspruit was, for
many years, a centre of art, learning and culture. This was due entirely to
the fact that Naboomspruit boasted a Poet Lorry Hat - the only one outside
the British Empire.
The position was held, with great distinction, for many years, by Mr Ingbert
Snood, whose lofty verses and sweeping turn of phrase might have won him
the noble prize for literature, had he not been pipped at the post by more
politically correct people, like Nadine Gordimer, Willem Shakespeare, and
Enid Blighter.
Sadly, on the death of Mr Mervis, the spring of Snood's creativity dried
up, and he began to drink heavily. Since then he has been eking out a
living as a part time salesman for Venter Trailers. He doesn't sell very
many, which is why, when you drive through Naboomspruit on the Great North
Road, the town is parked full of trailers.
Back to Nymandhlovu: it is felt that, with the appointment of a Poet Lorry
Hat, Nyamandhlovu will cease to be a backwater, as writers and poets from
all over the world will realise that Nyamandhlovu, too, is a centre of
learning and culture. Perhaps we could even have an opera festival, like
the one that the Brits have at Glindy Born, or the Germans have in Beirut.
The Poet Lorry Hat is to be appointed as soon as the Nyamandhlovu Cleft
Stick and Messenger receives enough nominations from people who can read and
write.
Asked about the origin of the term "Poet Lorry Hat," Mr Lumumba said he
wasn't exactly sure. However, he thought it had something to do with the
fact that the Poet wrote a poem every time the Queen put on her hat and got
driven around in a lorry.
"Tourists come from all over the world to see these occasions," he added,
"and they spend big bucks, too. Accordingly, we have obtained an old Foden
and a couple of balaclavas, and we are going to take Chief Caiaphas from one
end of Nymandhlovu to the other, while he waves and the people all cheer."
"Then our new poet will write a poem about it, and we will sit back and
watch while the bucks roll in."
It was pointed out that no one cheered when President Mugabe paraded through
the streets of Harare.
"That," snapped Lumumba, is because the President doesn't wave, he rides in
the wrong kind of lorry, and he doesn't wear a hat."
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