First Lady to shop in Nymandhlovu
PARIS, July 22 -- European Union foreign ministers meeting in Brussels decided today to expand a visa ban to an additional 52 close associates of Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe, including Mugabe's wife, Grace.
25. juli 2002
The Nyamandhlovu Cleft Stick and Messenger reports that there is considerable excitement in town(!!!) due to the impending visit of Mrs Grace Mugabe. Mrs Mugabe, who is no longer able to visit Harrods on account of the EU travel ban, has decided to transfer her custom to the world famous emporium known as Chamadvuka's General Dealer and Cycle Repairs, Main Road, Nyamandhlovu. (Tel: ten de handle sikis times, end usk de operetter fo Nyamandhlovu too five fo).
Chamadvuka offers fantastic lines in silken fabrics, freshly smuggled in from Bombay. As these are duty free, the prices compare most favourably with Harrods. There are canned goods from South Africa, candles from South Africa, light bulbs from South Africa, and fresh offal from the slaughter pole out in the back yard.
Another advantage over Harrods is that Chamadvuka will accept payment in Zimdollars, for which purpose he keeps a scale on the counter. For example, a cute little black number from Paris (Christian Dior) will cost 35000 grams of Zimdollars. A cute little black number from Chirdedzi (religion unknown) costs a lot less, but has to be returned next morning.
Of course, Mrs Mugabe is not your average shopper, and would generally expect that Harrods would send a Rolls Royce to collect her. Chamadvuka doesn't have a Rolls Royce, but arrangements have been made to transport her from the Falls Road on the crossbar of Solomon Mahlambo's bicycle. Asked if this could be considered sufficiently luxurious, Chamadvuka replied, "Of course, it has balloon tyres, cable brakes, AND a bell."
It was also pointed out the Mrs Mugabe would expect to have an account opened in her name, to eliminate the necessity of carrying cash. "In which case," replied Chamadvuka, "she can bloody well try her luck at Harrods."