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9 August 2002
The Nyamandhlovu Cleft Stick and Messenger
(circulation 19 and three
quarters, published occasionally) reports from Nyamandhlovu that
no new
buzzword has yet appeared to replace NEPAD.
This is thought to be because Thabo Mbeki and the boys thought
that NEPAD
would last a lot longer, so they haven't even got round to
starting to think
about its successor.
Also, there is doubt as to whether or not the next buzzword
should be a
South African buzzword, or a continental one.
A spokesman for the Presidency, Mr Bullshit Mabanda, explained
that
government usually expected to get about five years of life out
of a
buzzword. "That is how long we were able to fool the
people with RDP," he
said. "By the time the public realised that RDP was
just a public-relations
exercise, we were ready with GEAR. We've already had about
six years out of
that."
He agreed that GEAR was getting rather worn out, and that a new
buzzword was
urgently needed.
The problem arises because Mbeki believed that because NEPAD was
a
continental buzzword, it would serve for South Africa as
well. However,
most South Africans seem to have seen through NEPAD at the very
outset, and
the product isn't flying at all.
(It is thought, in some quarters, that NEPAD has failed to fly
because the
electorate are getting too educated, and no longer accept the
ANC's
pronunciations as the Word of God. The Minister of
Education has been
tasked to investigate immediately. It is feared that some
traitor to the
cause may have been secretly delivering text books to schools.)
A government think-tank at the weekend failed to come up with a
solution,
because all the delegates were so tanked-up that they couldn't
think.
(Though one observer noted that even on occasions when the
delegates weren't
pissed, they still didn't seem to be capable of much thinking.)
The Nyamandhlovu Cleft Stick and Messenger is monitoring the
situation with
interest, and hopes to be the first to spot the new buzzword when
it
appears. Will it be a word, like Uhuru, Ujaamaa, Amandla,
or Masikane? Or
will it be another acronym, like RDP*, Gear, MAP, or NEPAD?
All readers are urged to be on the lookout (or listen out) for
pathetically
small people with pathetically big opinions of themselves, and
grandiose
ideas to match. If anyone detects a new buzzword coming up,
please let us
know, so that we can broadcast it to the World.
Mr Tony Blair (backed by Monsieur Jean Cretin**),
commented: "Africa
urgently needs a new buzzword, and I promise to buy into it as
soon as it is
announced. I have lots of British taxpayers' money
available, and they
can't stop me from spending it."
Mr George Bush, who is president of one of the other
industrialised
countries, issued a statement from Hollywood, where he was
visiting at the
time. "Frankly," he said, "I don't give a
damn."
* RDP isn't an acronym. Ed.
If you say it often enough, it becomes one. Sub Ed.
** Shouldn't that be Jean Chretien? Ed
Ja, whatever. Sub-ed.