Date: 2000/01/06
Zimbabweans are amazed at reports from South Africa about the wave of
intercourse that has been taking place since the end of the apartheid
regime. "Free at last" has enabled the disadvantaged minority to shake off
the shackles of oppression and start screwing anything and everything.
A new controversy has arisen because a ten year old boy has exercised his
right to a normal sex life with a three year old girl. The girl's mother is
very pissed off.
The boy, however, has defended himself, pointing out that an age difference
of seven years is not at all unusual.
The boy's mother has suggested that he should have rather screwed a chicken.
Chicken-screwing is gaining in popularity in South Africa, despite the fact
that the South African Police seem to be as unsporting about this pastime as
they are about rape. The latest case involves four youngsters who all
screwed the same chicken. However, they will not be prosecuted, as the
authorities have accepted their explanation that:
a) They had no option but to all screw the same chicken, because they
didn't have any other chickens: and
b) The chicken did not actually say "No."
Professor Isosceles Vilikazi of Nyamandhlovu recalls the case of The State
vs Obadiah, heard in the Magistrates Court some years ago.
Obadiah, a horticultural assistant of Mount Pleasant, was alleged to have
had carnal relations with Pluto, a large bloodhound belonging to his
employer.
MAGISTRATE: Obadiah, it is charged that you and the dog performed an
unnatural act, and that you are therefore guilty of bestiality. What say
you to this charge?
MR PRICELESS NKOMO (appearing Pro Deo for Obadiah): If it please your
Worship, my client will plead Not Guilty, on the grounds that the
relationship was entirely plutonic.
(Uproar in court. Obadiah was committed for observation, while the dog was
sent to stud. After thirty days, the dog was sent for committed for
observation, and Obadiah was sent to stud.)
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