Gladys Dongo to boycott Miss World
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21 September 2002
Our fashion and beauty reporter, Ms Pulchritude
Mbazwa, reports from
Nyamandhlovu that Gladys Dongo has announced that she will not go
to the
Miss World contest due to be held in Nigeria.
Gladys has said that it is simply out of the question for any
person with
any morality to attend a pageant in a country run by a bunch of
savages in
flowing robes, where they bury women up to their necks in sand
and chuck
rocks at them until they are dead.
"Frankly," said Gladys, "if they tried to do that
to me, I'd fuck them up,
big time!"
Ms Dongo, who weighs in at enough stones to kill an unwed mother,
can make
such a boast. The last bunch of savages that tried to mess
with her was the
Taliban in Afghanistan, and look what happened to them.
A reporter from the British magazine "Helair"** asked
how Gladys could have
been due to go to Nigeria in the first place, when she wasn't the
reigning
Miss Zimbabwe. However, Gladys explained that she wasn't
going as one of
the contestants. "Dearie me, no," she
chortled. "My figure is just a touch
too large, and my posterior too portly indeed, even by African
standards."
She went on to explain that she had been employed for the
duration of the
pageant to park aircraft at Lagos International Airport.
Apparently their
tow truck has broken down. The Nigerians are very sensitive
about the bad
old days of slavery, and the sight of sixty sweating negroes
hauling jumbo
jets in and out of their parking bays is simply not good PR.
Gladys, on the other hand, can push a Boeing around an airport
with the
nonchalance of a suburban housewife pushing a supermarket
trolley.
Anyway, the Nigerians will simply have to find someone else to do
their
dirty work for them, because as long as Amina Lawal is under
sentence of
death, Gladys isn't going to Lagos.
** Don't you mean "Hello" magazine - Ed.
No, "Helair" is the upmarket rival -
Social Correspondent.