Date: 1999/06/17
Zimbabwe's financial woes are expected to be over soon, following the
dramatic announcement by Prof Isosceles Vilikazi of Nyamandhlovu.
It will be remembered that Prof Vilikazi is the eccentric old coot who
cloned the famous Gladys Dongo from DNA recovered from a hairdresser's comb.
A hint of Prof Vilikazi's latest coup was given in the New Financial Gazette
of 17 June, where the following, seemingly innocent, sentence appeared:
"........more than 46 million kilogrammes of flue-cured tobacco worth over
US$65,3 million has been sold since the 1998/99 marketing season opened in
April."
Prof Vilikazi is now planning to put his flue-cure into mass production,
just in time to nip the current outbreak of Sidney flue in the bud. Sales
of the miracle cure are expected to rake in millions of dollars in much
needed hard currency.
Asked whether it had been tested for possible harmful side-effects, Prof
Vilikazi assured sceptical reporters that if it had already been used to
cure more than 46 million kilograms of tobacco, it was reasonable to assume
that it would be okay on humans.
It was noticed that Prof Vilikazi himself showed no signs of suffering from
influenza at all. However, he was coughing quite heavily ...........