Date: 1999/06/23
Since the news that Stefan is going to sue Sabsy for the murder of one
of his ancestors, our reporters have been camped in the front row of the
High Court in Johannesburg, anxious not to miss a moment of the hearing
once it gets under way. They do not even leave for a cup of coffee or a
sandwich.
(Actually, to tell the truth, they're too scared to go for a cup of
coffee or a sandwich, because there are so many muggings in Kerk Street.
It is, after all, the High Court, so the area is crawling with
criminals. No problem. Our editor is right behind his intrepid
reporters, and has engaged the Fidelity Guards company, who send three
armed guards in a bullet proof truck to deliver soup and sandwiches
three times a day.)
Although Stefan's case hasn't started yet, there are plenty of
interesting trials, and our reporters are sending us full details.
Yesterday, the court heard the case of one Absalom Nkomo, a tribesman
from Nongoma, who was seeking damages from Nigel Bruce, the former
financial journalist and now DP MP.
The case arose out of a remark by Mr Bruce concerning the fact that he
would rather be served by a white student with a pleasant attitude, than
by "a surly tribesman with his thumb in the soup."
Despite Mr Bruce's denials that he was referring to any particular
person or incident, Mr Nkomo is adamant that the remark was directed at
him, and is seeking a verdict of defamation against Mr Bruce, plus
damages of thirty thousand (30 000) rand for impugning his reputation
as an assistant comestibles delivery operative.
MR NKOMO: I remember the affair perfectly, Your Worship, and I deny it.
JUDGE: You mean you deny having your thumb in the soup.
NKOMO: No, Your Worship. I deny being surly. I can remember
that I was in a very good mood that day.
JUDGE: But how could you have been so "upbeat" if your thumb
was in the soup? Wasn't it sore?
NKOMO: No, Your Worship. The soup, it was cold.
(Uproar in court. Mr Bruce was found guilty of defamation with
aggravating circumstances, and sentenced to be hanged, drawn and
quartered, all his female relations raped, and the rest of his family
banished for life. He is petitioning the Chief Justice for leave to
appeal.)
Any more examples of the brilliant jurisprudence that characterises our
courts since Liberation will be faithfully reported in these columns.
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