CONSTITUTION: VILIKAZI SPEAKS OUT
1999/11/30
While everyone bar the cat has been having his
five cent's worth about the Constitution, our intrepid reporter
journeyed to Nyamandhlovu for an exclusive interview with
Professor Isosceles Vilikazi, the well-known academic, inventor
and political observer.
"I have always believed that a good, strong, Constitution is
imperative," said Professor Vilikazi. "The well-being
of nations depends on Constitutions that can withstand the
rigours of daily civic life. Let us not mince words here; the
difference between a strong Constitution and a weak one
determines whether our citizens will live happy and rewarding
lives, or languish in misery. For some, it can even mean the
difference between life and death."
Vilikazi went on to say that the best way to ensure a good,
strong Constitution was to ensure that one maintained a good
balance of protein, fat and starch. He also emphasised the
importance of calcium for children, and greens for young and old
alike, in order to ensure a good daily intake of vitamins.
He further recommended that All-Bran flakes be made available at
subsidised prices to all, because the best Constitution in the
world brought little joy to citizens suffering from constipation.
As is his occasional habit, he concluded the interview with one
of the impromptu verses for which he has rightly become famous.
The (equally impromptu) title, he modestly told us, is:
THE VILIKAZI HYPOTHESIS ON THE PRACTICAL VALIDITY OF POLITICAL
MOVEMENTS
Many Political Movements
Engage in political fights
Continually seeking improvements
In sound Constitutional Rights.
But the overall health of the nation
Is the sum of the health of Each One
If a citizen has constipation
Utopia itself is no fun.
So put down your guns and your pangas
And take up your hoes and your trowels
And take the advice of inyangas:
The Movement that counts is the bowel's.
Through warfare and famine and trial
Through pestilence, hardship and drought
It's a truth that will bear no denial
That whatever goes in must come out.
So let us go forward united
And fight for our rights with true grit
But the health of a nation is blighted
If a citizen can't take a shit.