Bull Shhhhhh - Vilikazi speaks
> Chris Garner vented his spleen at some other contributor in news:[email protected]...
> > I have never read such a load of b--- s--t in my life
as you spill out on
> > this news group.
> > Let's hope that someone can do better in the future,
1999/12/11
The above obiter dicta by one Chris Garner was
referred to the famous Professor Isosceles Vilikazi of
Nyamandhlovu.
(Ed: WHY was it referred to Prof Vilikazi?
(Hack: Because EVERYTHING, in the end, is referred to Prof
Vilikazi, that's why.)
Professor Vilikazi immediately called a bosberaad, which is a
thing they have in South Africa where everyone goes bossies with
a problem, to emerge a few days later with a feeling that they
have all contributed to the solution, even if they don't know
what it is.
Invited to the bosberaad were, Inter Alia, Gladys Dongo, her
sister Janice, Mr Economics Mugwagwa, Mr Distribution Bonamanzi,
Mr Cadillac Chimbudzi and the late Isaiah Kumalo. Inter Alia, as
observers of all things Zimbabwean will know, is the newly
appointed adviser to the Aviation Ministry. The late Isaiah
Kumalo was expected to cancel, due to his unfortunate demise in a
brawl at Chilimanzi's Beerhall Wednesday night, but his entourage
realised that if he didn't attend, they'd miss out on the food
and drink, so they chucked his body in the back of the bakkie and
turned up anyway.
The others are well-known experts in their fields. Mr Mugwagwa
has a field a few miles outside of Karoi, where he grows beans
and pumkins, while Bonamanzi and Chimbudzi both grow mielies near
Gweru.
The press were kept well away while the deliberations were in progress. However, from the sounds of laughter, singing and breaking bottles, reporters were left in no doubt that important matters were being discussed.
At the conclusion of the talks, Professor
Vilikazi attended a press conference, where he produced a
Prepared Statement, which he read out:
"Two packs deep frozen pork chops
One twenty-five kg sack of mielie meal.
One dozen tins tomato and onion relish
One carton Madison Filters
One 5kg bag white sugar"
At this point, the Professor interrupted himself, pointing out
that, instead of the Prepared Statement, he had inadvertently
brought his wife's shopping list, and could we journalists please
come back tomorrow.