Zimbabwe to announce general erection
2000/05/02
Professor Isosceles Vilikazi, the well-known
inventor, academic and political observer, today reacted to
rumours that Zimbabwe's election date would be announced within
days, if not hours.
Asked if the campaigning would be free and fair, he said that he
understood that all was fair in love and war, and as a state of
war was now prevailing, it would definitely be fair, if not free.
"Frankly," he said, "last time I had an erection
it cost me a hell of a lot of money."
A junior reporter from the London Times pointed out that it was
an election, not an erection, that was the subject under
discussion.
"Thank you for correcting me," murmured the professor
graciously. "However, you must forgive me for thinking it
was a general erection when one considers all the pricks who will
be standing."
He went on to point out that the situation in Zimbabwe had
deteriorated to the point where he thought that anyone who stood
for office was mad in the head.
"When the plane is out of control but there is still a
chance of saving it, it makes sense for a qualified person to
take over from the pilot," he said.
"However, when the wings have already fallen off
...............
Following this gloomy prognostication, a reporter asked Professor
Vilikazi
how he saw the future of Zimbabwe.
"Through a glass darkie," quipped the professor.
"But to be serious," he continued, "we'll muddle
along somehow. And, who knows, perhaps we'll get lucky, and some
diamond millionaire from Kimberley will put up the money to bring
some whiteys up here to start rebuilding the
infrastructure."
"Surely the people of Zimbabwe wouldn't want to go through
all THAT again?" gasped the correspondent of the Tel Aviv
Christian Times.
"Just you wait," said Vilikazi. "They will, they
will ........"