2000/05/02
Professor Isosceles Vilikazi, the well-known inventor, academic and
political observer, has reacted to Britain's alleged (but denied) plans to
evacuate whites from Zimbabwe.
Speaking from his home at Nyamandhlovu, he said that while he appreciated
the humanitarian motive behind the idea, he didn't think it would do anyone
any good in the long run.
"The white Zimbabweans will land up outside Zimbabwe, where they will be
miserable," he said. "Meanwhile, the black Zimbabweans will land up inside
Zimbabwe, where they will be just as miserable."
The solution, said Vilikazi, would be to evacuate all Zimbabweans currently
residing outside Zimbabwe, and dump them back in Zimbabwe, so that they
could be miserable too.
"They will be thoroughly pissed off, as you vazungu so delicately put it,"
continued the professor. "But there will be only one way to vent their
anger, and that will be to go for the man who caused the problem. This
should cook Mugabe's nkhukhu gajeema, quick time, no problem, straight away,
immediately, if not sooner."
President Mugabe, alarmed at the prospect of getting his intelligentsia
back, has threatened to charge Professor Vilikazi with high treason, to wit,
that he is trying to overthrow the government by peaceful means.
"It's just not fair," said Mugabe, speaking through a mouthful of caviare at
the humble residence that he occupies in Harare. "It goes completely
against all African ideas of chivalry to send educated people against an
army that can hardly read or write."
It is thought that Mugabe will raise a strong protest at the United Nations,
where the average IQ is so low that many people still regard him as a noble
crusader for human rights.
Asked to comment, President Bill Clinton choked on his breakfast muffin.
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