THE ICY SEA CONFERENCE
NEWS REPORT: The International Cricket Conference (ICC) met in London for urgent talks concerning allegations that certain players had received money from Indian bookmakers for rigging the outcome of international cricket matches.
Date: 2000/05/03
Nyamandhlovu, Tuesday:- Professor Isosceles Vilikazi, the well-known inventor, academic and political observer, was yesterday asked to comment on the ICC Conference held in London. "I was not aware that there was a problem with the Icy Sea," replied the professor. "Indeed, I thought it was the other way around, and that global warming was the present danger. "However, since you ask, I can only say that it may be quite appropriate to observe that Zimbabwe, currently, is all at sea (if you'll pardon the pun). However, as Zimbabwe has no navy to speak of, and Kariba can hardly be described as icy, the conference cannot be very important to us. I recall, though, mused the professor, that my late father was a steward on board the Titanic, and he could have told you a thing or two about the icy sea. As occasionally happens, the professor concluded his address with one of his impromptu verses. The icy sea Means nought to me For I'm an inland rover I seldom get My tootsies wet Up here at Nyamandhlovu. What flows up here Is blood, I fear As thugs the farms are sacking Forget the boats And things that floats Tis leader-ship we're lacking So if your thinking Of avoiding sinking By calling the ZRP You'd do much better And get less wetter Upon the icy sea. At this point it was suggested to the professor that he had missed the boat, and that the icy sea conference was about match fixing. To which the prof replied that it was a very stupid question, and that obviously if they were adrift on the icy sea then the bloody matches wouldn't work, would they?