Mugabe won't give an inch - Vilikazi speaks
Date: 2000/05/20
President Robert Mugabe has stated
via the media that he "won't give an
inch."
Professor Isosceles Vilikazi, the well-known academic, inventor
and
political observer, reports that this indicates a serious decline
in the
President's health.
"Why, just a few years ago," said the Professor, "
the President was in good
health, and gave six inches on a regular basis. Not only to his
then wife,
but to his mistress as well."
Vilikazi went on to say that the decline in the President's
condition was
probably psychological in origin.
"Essentially," he said, "when you know that all
the perfumes of Arabia won't
clean your slate with Pete upstairs, then you begin to worry more
about
going to Hell than getting your leg over."
Asked if Viagra would help, the professor said that this was
unlikely, as
the President - sexually anyway - was now so impotent that he
couldn't get
it up if it was put in splints or injected with concrete.
He further pointed out that this was just as well, because if he
did to a
woman what he has done to his country, it would be unlikely that
she would
survive.
The President dismissed the allegations as the ravings of a
scientific
lunatic, and was last seen with an inyanga in the Midlands,
staring at the
entrails of a goat in an effort to establish where his manhood
went.