NYAMANDHLOVU TO GO IT ALONE (2)
Date: 2000/05/23
Professor Isosceles Vilikazi, who will shortly be crowned King of newly
independent Nyamandhlovu, today issued a statement from his headquarters
along the Falls Road.
Firstly, he announced that he had accepted representations from a wide
variety of petitioners, and had decided that the new state would not, after
all, be called the Kingdom of Northern Matabeleland. Instead, he has
accepted the name, Independent Kingdom of Nyamandhlovu, or IKON for short.
At the same time, he announced that the coat of arms for the new state will
shortly appear. It will feature two assegaais rampant, two tits pendulent,
and a dead elephant pungent.
Ms Gladys Dongo, the largest lady in the Kingdom, has accepted the position
of Ndlovukazi, and has also agreed to be the Gross Domestic Product.
The new currency was also announced. Professor Vilikazi explained that
liquidity was important for a developing economy. The new unit will be
known as the Tshwala, which will be divided into 100 millilitres.
It is expected that the Tshwala will make its debut on international
currency markets at around 75 to the Zimdollar - roughly the price of a
Zambezi at Meikles.
Asked to comment, President Robert Mugabe said that Professor Vilikazi was
now an enemy of the state, and that it was a great pity that there was so
little of the state left to be an enemy of.
US presidential candidate Al Gore, when asked to comment, said that he
thought that Meikles was the chap who was supposed to inherit the earth, but
he wasn't sure.
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