FAIR EXPOSURE
2001-09-25
Breaking news :-) Nyamandhlovu, Tuesday
Proceedings at a press briefing here were loudly interrupted by a
representative of the local newspaper. The journalist, Mr
Ballpoint Lumumba, pointed out that it was always the views of
the Big Press that got prominence. For example, he said, The
Herald, published in Harare, had something of a monopoly on the
government viewpoint. The Zimbabwe Independent was quoted almost
every day, and even distant newspapers like the Washington Post
and the New York Times got greater airing than the indigenous
press.
However, said Mr Lumumba, there was reason for hope, because the
International Shurugwe Herald had recently got a small mention
somewhere. He hoped, therefore, that his own paper, the
Nyamandhlovu Cleft Stick and Messenger, would not also be paid
the attention it deserved.
It was pointed out that the Nyamandhlovu Cleft Stick and
Messenger could hardly be regarded as influential, as it has a
weekly circulation of only nineteen copies. To which Mr Lumumba
responded that this was pretty good in an area where only
twenty-six people could read and write. In any case, he said, his
circulation had been nearly fifty-one copies until June, when
half his readership had been lost due to brake-failure on
Swiftness Lugogo's Emergency Taxi en route to a football match.
Other delegates, from the so-called Big Press, were becoming
pretty impatient with what they regarded as purely a side-issue.
They wanted to get on with the official briefing, which concerned
the imminent despatch of Gladys Dongo to Afghanistan on a
bicycle. It looked as if things might get out of hand, with the
CNN representative clouting Lumumba over the bonce with a
microphone (muffled, luckily.) Mr Lumumba responded vigorously
with his Cleft Stick and Messenger, leaving the CNN man with
bruised shins and loss of dignity.
Professor Isosceles Vilikazi, chairing the meeting, appealed for
calm, and promised that the views of the Nyamandhlovu Cleft Stick
and Messenger would henceforth enjoy a bit more attention, if
only Mr Ballpoint Lumumba would remove his cleft stick from the
backside of the Bulawayo Chronicle.
Mr Rupert Murdoch is rumoured to have made an offer for the cleft
stick.