Dongo mission to Afghanistan (3):
2001-09-26
Breaking news :-) Nyamandhlovu, Tuesday
The joint USA-Zimbabwe strategem to invade Afghanistan using Gladys Dongo on
a bicycle has received a further setback.
Not only has Gladys been remanded in custody pending her trial over where
she got the bicycle, but tough words are passing between Washington and
Harare about who will finance the mission.
Zimbabwe has pointed out that, although it is happy to provide the man, er,
womanpower, in the form of Gladys Dongo, it can hardly be expected to
shoulder the financial burden, and wants America to pay.
America initially agreed to pay. After all, America will be saving on the
original expeditionary force costs, which involved the sending of five
aircraft carriers, three thousand airplanes, five thousand tanks, and
seventeen thousand men to the Bay of Bengal, and overland from there.
However, America has calculated the cost of sending Gladys at two air
tickets and a bicycle, and reckons that Robert Mugabe's request for 13
Billion US dollars as - to quote Mr Alan Greenspan - "a teensy weensy bit
excessive."
Latest reports indicate that harsh words are being spoken, with ZANU's chief
spokesman describing George W Bush as a stingy honkey, and Donald Rumsfeld
suggesting that they should go back to plan A, and kick Gladys in the Hindu
Kush.
The talks were adjourned some hours ago, with the Zimbabwean representatives
pointing out that they were not accustomed to negotiating when the only
refreshment available is tea, coffee and Oreo cookies. A White House chef
has now been sent to rustle up some champagne, oysters and caviare.
A communique is expected later.
STOP PRESS: The talks have been further delayed by the tabling of a
motion by Zimbabwe in the UN General Assembly. Essentially, it castigates the United
States on the grounds that, if it MUST serve coffee at important meetings,
it should at least be prepared to serve GOOD coffee. The coffee served at
the White House, according to Zimbabwe's UN Ambassador, Mr Epicure Kambata,
is a crime against humanity, for which America should pay.
UN Secretary General, Mr Kofi Annan, has welcomed the tabling of the motion,
because it shows a willingness to include the United Nations in world
affairs, which willingness has been rather absent of late.
Asked to comment on this, President Bush asked "United WHO??"