From our Cape Town correspondent
The recent dramatic developments in South Africa have made it necessary for
the The NCS&M to step up its coverage of events there. Consequently, it has
sent ace reporter, Mr Pitman Masondo, to Cape Town. Pitman is known as "the
fastest scribbler in the West." This is because he is from Matabeleland.
Pitman is very short - somewhere around five foot two. This is because he
has short legs. He is often asked if he has short hands as well. He does
not. His hands are perfectly normal, and we have no idea why people are
always asking him that question.
Pitman left Bulaway Sunday, travelling by train. When the train broke down
at Palapye, he continued his journey by bus. When the bus broke down at
Reddersburg, he continued his journey by taxi. When the taxi overturned
outside Leeu Gamka, he continued his journey by ambulance. When the
ambulance was hijacked at Worcester, he continued his journey on crutches.
He was held up and robbed of the crutches at Bellville, but fortunately by
then he was on the home straight, and finished the trip on his hands and
knees.
Nevertheless, he got straight to work, scribbling furiously, because South
Africa is a serious country, almost a First World place in many respects, so
there is a lot to report.
He had barely finished donning his elastoplast when the news came that there
had been an anthrax scare at Tuynhuis. "Tuynhuis" means "the House in the
Garden" in the original Dutch, and generations of Nyamandhlovans have always
assumed that this was just a fancy word for the PK. However, it turns out
that Tuynhuis is actually the office of the State President, from which he
issues all his political statements when in Cape Town.
Come to think of it, given the nature of the political statements emanating
from there, especially on the subject of HIV and AIDS, perhaps there isn't
so much difference between the Tuynhuis and the PK after all.
Anyway, Pitman rushed over to Tuynhuis to get the details. Tuynhuis was
evacuated, and everyone was sent off to be hosed down.
The regular staff were soon pronounced clean and sent home. However, hours
later, when Pitman filed this report, the actual politicians were still in
the shower room.
"I can't understand it," said an exasperated orderly. "However hard we wash
them, we just can't get them clean."
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