2001-11-03 06:05:07 PST
Some readers have queried the accuracy of a report in the Entertainment
Supplement of the Nyamandhlovu Cleft Stick & Messenger.
It was reported that Mr Hollywood Chipembere, the movie magnate from Kwe
Kwe, is planning to feature the three Bridges brothers, Jeff, Beau and Bles,
in his next production. Some sharp-witted folk have said that there are
only two Bridges brothers, because Jeff and Beau are famous actors from Los
Angeles, while Bles is famous only in the Free State and a few miles lapa
side of the Vaal and Orange Rivers.
They also pointed out that Bles is dead.
The NCS&M stands by its report. It may be true that Bles Bridges is known
only in the Free State, but that's a lot of real estate, and much bigger
than Los Angeles. Also, the fact that he is dead doesn't disqualify him
from being in the movie. Robert Mugabe is planning to still be president
after he is dead, and Bles will still star in the movie. He will simply
play the part of a corpse.
He will, of course, be paid slightly less than the brothers Beau and Jeff,
because he won't have to learn nearly as many lines.
Mr Chipembere believes that more scripts should be written for corpses,
because it keeps the costs down, and will enable Zimbabwe to produce lots
more movies without needing a whole lot of hard-to-get foreign currency.
His next movie will be shot on location in the cemetery at Kadoma, and the
only speaking part will be that of the preacher, and the voice-over of a
ghost called Eleanor Rigby.
The corpse of Eleanor Rigby has long since been eaten by the worms, but this
doesn't matter, because only her tombstone will be needed, and this is still
in fine shape.
Negotiations are presently in progress to persuade the tombstone of Eleanor
Rigby to appear in nude scenes.
It is also hoped to feature the corpse of Robert Mugabe, if he dies in time
for the shooting.
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