2001-12-08 22:06:00 PST
The Nymandhlovu Cleft Stick and Messenger reports that Robert Mugabe has
changed his mind about the special award he was planning to present to
Gladys Dongo on her return from Afghanistan.
Apparently, Mad Bob figured that he could sell the Yanks the notion that
THEIR fight against terrorism was the same as HIS struggle against the
Zimbabwean opposition. On that basis, he was going to make great show of
giving an award to Gladys for her invaluable help to Uncle Sam in
Afghanistan.
All of this has now gone pear-shaped.
It appears that the Americans won't swallow the story, and refuse to accept
that Bob is also an innocent leader beleaguered by terrorists who needs to
fight back. Instead, the US has passed an anti- ZANU bill, threatening
sanctions, and making it pretty plain that they see Mad Bob in roughly the
same light as Osama Bin Laden.
Mad Bob's ongoing friendship with Muammar Gaddafi also hasn't helped much.
Bob has now decided that Gladys has been fighting for the enemy - on TWO
fronts, because not only did she support the Americans in Afghanistan, but
the Zimbabwean Secret Police have intercepted a letter from Gladys to her
mentor, Professor Isosceles Vilakazi, the well-known inventor, academic and
political observer.
The letter apparently said, very plainly, that what was needed in
Afghanistan to finish the campaign was "MDC."
Bob is as mad as a spitting snake, despite Prof Vilakazi's explanation that
MDC is Gladys' shorthand for More Dutch Courage.
Both Gladys and the Prof are in any case on Mugabe's public enemy list,
because of a recent statement where the Prof was quoted in the Zimbabwe
Independent as saying that Two and Two is Four.
This is in direct contradiction of a recent decision by the Zimbabwean
Parliament that Two and Two is Five.
The High Court of Zimbabwe have also upheld this decision, pointing out that
a majority vote is quite sufficient to rule that Two and Two is Five.
Vilakazi is now believed to be planning to derail other upcoming pieces of
important legislation. Within weeks, the Zimbabwean Parliament intends to
repeal the Law of Gravity, and the Law of Supply and Demand, both of which,
according to Mugabe, are relics of the colonial era, and are responsible for
Zimbabwe's economic difficulties, and keeping Air Zimbabwe on the ground.
The High Court is expected to support Mugabe on this one, too, but it is
always embarassing when an internationally respected observer like the Prof
refuses to toe the line. The Prof has said that the Law of Gravity, and the
Law of Supply and Demand, are not colonial laws, and can't be repealed.
Mugabe has pointed out that he has a majority, and can repeal any fucking
law he likes.
He is particularly keen to get the Law of Gravity repealed as soon as
possible, as the Minister of Technology, Comrade Centrifuge Chinamoyo, has
assured him that this will get Air Zimbabwe back into business without
having to worry about the fuel crisis.
The new boss of Air Zimbabwe, Comrade Icharus Pasapamire, has agreed. As he
was previously a taxi driver in Harare, he has considerable experience of
things that go fast, fly high, and seemingly defy all laws, natural and
man-made.
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