Dongo mission to Afghanistan (17):
2001-12-03 20:28:37 PST
What with the sudden surge of Northern Alliance successes in Afghanistan,
people have been wondering what happened to Gladys Dongo, who, as is
well-known, represented the American ground presence during the campaign.
The Nyamandhlovu Cleft Stick and Messenger can now report that Gladys got
somewhat bypassed by the rapid developments, and saw very little action.
Consequently, she is still a virgin. However, she has started an orphanage
for she-goats, all of whom are not virgins, thanks to the sexual
proclivities of Osama Bin Laden and his supporters.
She is still camped outside Kandahar, which is why the Taliban are still
camped INSIDE Kandahar. Apparently they have refused to surrender and come
out until Gladys is sent home.
Gladys is reportedly quite homesick, and would like to go home, but Pres
Bush has asked her to stay on a little while longer. Apparently the
Americans only have a few thousand men on the ground at this stage, and feel
that at least a division would be required to take over Glady's role.
Meanwhile, Gladys' next international assignment is already looming on the
horison. After her invaluable work with the she-goats, she is to be sent to
South Africa, where rape has become endemic.
The South African government, which has a Constitution specially designed to
protect rapists and other criminals, has indicated that this will be
regarded as interference in the domestic affairs of a sovereign state, and
relations between Zimbabwe and South Africa are now at an all time low.
Meanwhile, Gladys is looking forward to getting hold of a couple of South
African rapists and biting their balls off.
The South African Minister of Police has vowed to stop her, warning that the
public shouldn not take the law into their own hands.
Professor Isosceles Vilakazi, Glady's spokesperson, pointed out that Gladys
is not your average public. He further noted that whenever the South
African cops can't nail a perpetrator, they nail the victim instead, along
with anyone who tried to help.
This could be an interesting confrontation. Gladys is to be paid on the
same scale as a wing three-quarter for the now defunct Springbok rugby side.