Date: 2002-03-01 21:16:09 PST
Following on the news that ex-Premier Garfield Todd has been stripped of his
right to vote in the forthcoming presidential elections, the Nyamandhlovu
Cleft Stick and Messenger reports that Miss Gladys Dongo has also been
stripped.
The stripping took place at a charity function at Mhlambo's Beerhall Friday
night. The purpose was to raise funds for the Nyamandhlovu Water Polo
Club's tour to Siberia and the Solomon Islands next winter.
Members of the audience were invited to bid for the right to remove, and
keep, items of clothing from a number of luscious young damsels, which
included Miss Pudenda Kumalo (Miss Gokwe 1998), Miss Beauty Mamabola (Miss
Teenage Sensation of Mafungabuzi 1999), and Gladys herself.
Funds raised amounted to twenty-seven thousand, seven hundred and sixty-four
dollars eighty-eight cents Zimbabwean (approx 140 dollars US), enough to get
the team and coach about as far as Gweru if the taxi fares don't go up.
A great deal of beer was drunk, and an atmosphere of merriment prevailed.
Highlight of the evening was when Mr Smallman Nkomo removed Gladys'
brassiere, which is a size 187K, and then promply disappeared into one of
the enormous cups. He is planning to use it as a cover for his 1972 Toyota
Hi-Ace, which has been standing in the open since the war vets torched his
garage in a friendly display of solidarity with their brothers in Matabeleland.
Also well-supported was the bidding for Glady's suspender belt, which has
since been installed at Vic Falls Bridge, so that six people can do bungee
jumping simultaneously.
Her nylon stockings went to Chamadvuka's Truck Supply, where they have been
fitted as highly original spare parts, i.e. as replacement fan belts on an
Oshkosh earthmover.
Gladys did not allow her panties to be auctioned, as a young girl must
retain her modesty.
It was noticed that Gladys wasn't wearing a chastity belt, but instead
carried a large crocodile down the front of her knickers. She advised that
her virginity was still very much intact, despite numerous approaches from
ZANU supporters trying to win her vote in the standard way, i.e. rape.
"The crocodile is also very well fed," she observed with a grin.
From the other side of the country, it is reported that President Mugabe is
disappointed that so many of his supporters seem to lack balls.
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