Dongo mission to Afghanistan (4):
Gladys accepts modelling contract
Gavin O'Neill <[email protected]> wrote > Hey Ron! > > I have been hearing unconfirmed reports that Gladys has been seen buying herself a nice two piece bikini for her Cuban vacation (as a human rites overseer) in the > newly liberalised Cosmopolitan City of Kabul. > > Are you, from your location able to confirm this? Or are Nyamandhlovu Cleft Stick & Messenger been receiving reports on her current whereabouts & actions? > > > Yours truly, > > A Concerned Subscriber..
2001-09-26 The Nyamandhlovu Cleft Stick and Messenger is able to report that there is no truth whatsoever in the rumour that Gladys Dongo has been shopping for a sexy two-piece swimsuit. Gladys does not swim. Nor does she tan, as she feels that she doesn't really need to. In any case, she detests the smell of rancid coconut oil that seems to be the principle ingredient of most tanning lotions. It is, however, true that she has been approached by a German magazine specialising in fashions for the larger figure, and she has accepted a modelling contract. Not for bikinis, however, as Gladys is extremely modest. She will be showing a black, one-piece item, knee length with crew neck, in order not to show too much cleavage. It is currently being manufactured, in Stuttgart, by Deutsche Tent-Fabrieken und Big Top GmbH, who are better known for having supplied tents to the Afrika Korps and parachutes to the Luftwaffe during the unfortunate conflict of 1939-1945. When asked why this conflict was "unfortunate", the manager of DTFUBT, Herr Dokter Fritz von Fickenstein-Lederhosen, explained that he would have been happier if Deutschland hadn't got so fucked up. Asked to comment about the new swimsuit, Gladys said it would show that even ladies with big bums and tits could look demure if properly dressed. She declined the offer of a free G-string, even after the assurance that it wouldn't snap because it would be specially made for her out of marine hawser and diamante studded industrial strength canvas. However, all of this modelling will have to wait, as she is still in pursuit of Mullah Omar on his motorbike. Gladys, of course, is mounted on her trusty Raleigh Sports with the three-speed Sturmey Archer, and it is expected that Omar will run out of fuel long before Gladys runs out of pedal-power. When last seen, Omar was about three miles outside Kathmandu, with Gladys just clearing the Punjab.