Dongo mission to Afghanistan (1):
1. Zimbabwe joins anti-terrorist alliance
Date: 2001-09-24 00:00:44 PST
Breaking news :-) Nyamandhlovu, Monday The USA's war on terrorism has received a considerable boost with the announcement that Zimbabwe is to throw its full weight behind the White House. Initial plans drawn up by the Pentagon envisaged sending four aircraft carriers, three thousand aircraft, five thousand tanks, and seventeen thousand men to the Persian Gulf, from where land and airborne forces would penetrate the mountain fastnesses of Afghanistan and bring Osama Bin Laden to book. However, now that Zimbabwe has pledged its support, these forces have all been recalled. Instead, they are sending Gladys Dongo on a bicycle with a panga. Reports from Kandahar indicate that Osama Bin Laden was last seen packing his bags in considerable haste. The Taliban has called for urgent talks, and is thought to be on the verge of surrender. In gratitude for Zimbabwe's support, George W Bush is considering renaming the White House, a name which many have long found racist, hurtful and insulting. Henceforth it will be known as Khaya maLungu. Also, Bush has promised that next time Mugabe comes around with the begging bowl, he won't be called a cheeky nigger and referred to the tradesman's entrance. Prof Jonothan Moyo, Mugabe's spin-doctor in chief, has described this as a major diplomatic koo, and warned Zimbabwe's critics that they better not fuck around with a country that will soon be a major world power.
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THE DONGO MISSION TO AFGHANISTAN
Undoubtedly, the greatest scoop ever covered by the Nyamandhlovu Cleft Stick and Messenger was the dramatic mission of Ms Gladys Dongo to Afghanistan. Countless readers, perhaps as many as five, remained glued to their screens for news as it broke.
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