Dongo mission to Afghanistan (8):
Gladys survives US air strikes
News report:> CNN reports that Osama Bin Laden has survived the first wave of US air > strikes against Afghanistan. > 2001-10-13 11:22:15 PST
> The Nyamandhlovu Cleft Stick and Messenger reports that Gladys Dongo has > also survived. > > There was initial concern for her safety, because no one expected the US to > send in its aircraft tonight. It was thought that George W Bush would hold > back pending the results of the Dongo mission, which as all the world now > knows, involves invading Afghanistan on a Raleigh Sports, and taking out Bin > Laden with a panga. > > However, Gladys has made contact, advising that although she is well on the > road to Kandahar, she was not troubled by the US attacks. She reports that > she did encounter some fire, due to a group of revellers along the Falls > road getting pissed and losing control of their Primus stove. However, the > American Cruise and Tomahawk missiles have left her unscathed. > > It is thought that her lucky escape is due to three major factors: > > 1. The Raleigh Sports is a very good bicycle. > 2. Gladys is a very chunky number, and it would take something more like > an Atom bomb to knock her off the bike. > 3 Gladys wasn't aware that Kandahar, Afghanistan, and Kandahar Island, > Zambezi River, are two different places. Consequently, while the US strike > aircraft were screaming over Afghanistan, Gladys was pushing her bike up the > steep hill just beyond Hwange on the road to Victoria Falls. > > A friendly mlungu has advised her of the error, and she will be making > another attempt tomorrow. > > Footnote: Reliable sources have advised the Cleft Stick and Messenger that > the Zimbabwean Minister of Defence, General Cordite Mfure, is sending 500 > crack troops of the ZDF to assist the Taliban. A further 500 equally > cracked troops are being sent to help the USA. > > Asked about this strategy, General Mfure gave our reporter a look of > absolute disdain, and pointed out that it was essential to ensure that > Zimbabwe was on the winning side.