Dongo mission to Afghanistan (14):
Gladys Dongo halts advance
2001-10-29 12:12:47 PST
Breaking news :-) Nyamandhlovu Cleft Stick and Messenger: exclusive GLADYS DONGO HALTS ADVANCE INTO AFGHANISTAN Hot on the trail of Osama Bin Laden, Gladys was at the gates of Kandahar, when her bicycle fell into a crater caused by an errant American missile. Gladys, to put it mildly, is very peed off. Not only did she sustain severe bruising to the upper thigh, but she caught her knickers in the chainguard and got oil all over the Khyber Pass. The front wheel of the bicycle is a sorry sight, as the dynamo got in amongst the spokes while she was still travelling at speed. There was also some regrettable collateral damage to civilians, as Gladys was pitched over the handlebars with some force, and landed on a number of Afghans who were sheltering in the crater at the time. Gladys has condemned the indiscriminate way in which the Americans are chucking weaponry all over the park. She says that this is absolutely pointless, and isn't going to flush Bin Laden out in a million years. It is just killing innocent people, and creating unnecessary hazards for cyclists. "If they are serious about this war," she added, "they'll come down from their aeroplanes and fight on the ground like men. Or women." Accordingly, she has pitched her tent just outside Kandahar, and vowed to advance no further until the Americans also get involved. Robert Mugabe is also very peed off, because he has been charging the Americans a couple of thousand dollars a day (greenbacks, not the stuff they chuck around trading stores in Zimbabwe) for every day that Gladys takes part in the conflict. Now, with Gladys on strike, the Americans have stopped paying, and Bob fears that he may have to postpone the trip to Harrods he was planning with Grace. (Grace, as is well known, is very down in the dumps about her exam results, and Bob thought he would cheer her up by getting her something nice for a million or two. There's nothing like a bit of jewellery to make up for the disappointment of discovering that you aren't very bright.) Bob is also very worried about his health. He is afraid he will die. The rest of Zimbabwe is equally concerned about his health. They are afraid he won't.